by Carson
A SPECIAL CHRISTMAS MESSAGE FROM THE WHITE HOUSE
Donald (Alec Baldwin) & Ivanka (Scarlett Johansson) Trump trim loser tree
— A bit of an assembly line Trump-era “Greatest Hits” piece. Of course, I put “Greatest Hits” in scare quotes.
— Baldwin’s opening spiel as Trump just kind of washes over me at this point. Every zinger and one-liner feels entirely belabored. The bit about James Comey is basically Trump saying “hey, I’m a bad guy” in the least subtle way possible. These are very rudimentary “Resistance” jabs.
— Baldwin: “Thank you, Kellyanne. What would you like to have for Christmas?” Kate: “I want out.” Good Lord, they’re still doubling down on the “Kellyanne is secretly reasonable” take that was easily debunked almost immediately.
— Pence doing the gay stuff. Oh my God, should we do a Trump-era drinking game?
— The Omarosa bit pops a little bit more. A bit.
— Luke Null! He gets two syllables! Two slightly muffled syllables!!
— Cue applause, we have a Scarlett Johansson cameo. Just applause, no laughs, please and thank you.
— The Trump brothers come in to inject this thing with a working bit, but there’s nothing much happening here.
— Cue the time-filling Jeff Sessions bit and the group LFNY and you’ve got maybe the most dishearteningly typical cold open of the entire era.
STARS: *½
MONOLOGUE
host does stand-up about older men trying to deal with their young kids
— I appreciate Kevin Hart trying to urge the audience to get more excited. They were a little hesitant during the Cold Open.
— One of my fellow reviewers told me he was interested to hear my take on Hart’s parent-centric monologue since I am also a dad (though my toddler days are behind me). There’s some fine, relatable material here about repeating yourself to a two-year-old, but for the life of me, I don’t know what he’s on about with the “aahhhhh-AH” thing. Hart’s playing it off like this is a common thing and I guess I just have to sort of assume I’m in the minority here. It’s like when stand-ups start their bit by saying “Don’t you hate that commercial where…” and as an audience member you’re like “Oh great, here comes five minutes on a commercial I’ve never heard of.” Hart is presenting his parenting bit by insisting on its universality, but I’m a bit in the dark. That all being said, Hart’s energy is going some lengths to make up for the fact that I find the premise suspect.
— Hart: “I don’t like these younger women making these older men have these babies.” What a weird, hostile, alienating setup to what ends up being a fairly benign bit about clueless old dads. There’s got to be a gentler way to approach the premise.
— OK, the bit about the burden of being a fun dad is pretty relatable. Kids really don’t know how to shut fun off. “Fun” usually results in either a hurt kid or a hurt parent. It’s tears no matter what.
STARS: ***½
PANDORA CHARMS
wives grin & bear it when husbands give them Pandora charms for Christmas
— A spiritual successor to the “Some Dumb Little Thing From CVS” ad from 2014 and the “Teddy Bear Holding a Heart” ad from 2006. OK, maybe less a successor than a rip-off. Though self plagiarism is kind of a guiding principle of the SNL writers room.
— Love the premature “I knew you would” from Mikey.
— Great face by Beck when, for the first time, he recognizes that the pink ribbon on the dress charm could be for breast cancer.
— “Pandora: come back to the mall.”
— Nothing new here, but still well done.
STARS: ***½
BATHROOM EXCUSES
in a meeting, (host) won’t admit that he needs to go to the bathroom
— I know some are immediately dismissive of bathroom humor, but I’m into the premise of Hart needing to come up with fake family emergencies to excuse himself from his meeting to go to the bathroom.
— Good non-verbal “bathroom panic” physicality from Hart.
— The sweat is a nice touch.
— The inevitable fart/pants-shitting addition is usually where I check out on these kinds of sketches.
— Ha, love how everyone is pretending to take calls from Hart’s grandma to save him his integrity after he shit his pants.
— Hart with a funny, if protracted exit.
— The ending was a little “anything to get out of the scene,” but I’ll allow it.
STARS: ****
CAPTAIN SHADOW
crimefighters Captain Shadow (host) & The Cardinal (CRR) get pulled over
— Interesting premise with black crimefighters getting pulled over by the cops.
— Ha, Alex thinks they’re rappers. Pretty funny.
— Everyone’s playing this really straight except for Chris Redd. I can’t really tell if that’s a positive or a negative feature.
— The turn of Captain Shadow having cocaine on him only seems to be confusing the premise even more. Is Hart’s character supposed to be good or bad? If he were purely good, it might make more sense from a premise standpoint, but the laughs might not be there. As it stands, however, there aren’t a lot of laughs in this piece anyway, but the message is very muddled.
— Ha, the goofy little kick Redd does earns a good chuckle.
— Yeah, I think there was something here, but they really couldn’t turn the engine on this premise. It wasn’t awful or anything, but this needed some more fleshing out.
STARS: **
INSIDE THE NBA
Shaquille O’Neal’s (host) stream of consciousness is zany
— Weird seeing someone other than Jay Pharoah doing a Shaq impression.
— That said, Hart is making a meal out of this. He’s doing great.
— Shaq’s “Senate/send it” confusion is so dumb, but I giggled.
— Whoa, just realized that there’s almost a spiritual connection between Hart’s Shaq and David Koechner’s Gary Macdonald.
— I’m whatever on Kenan’s interjections throughout this. Alex and Chris might as well be extras.
— Stupid but funny reveal of Kevin Hart on stilts.
— “You look like the Letter F came to life.” OK, that was a good one from Kenan’s Barkley.
STARS: ****
MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
musical guest performs “The Sky Is A Neighborhood”
— Blue: A strong, heavy opening with a flashy display of lights.
— I like how the stage is decked out for the holidays.
— Catchy chorus. I dig the layered backing vocals.
— Dave Grohl’s voice is a little too raspy for my tastes but it suits this type of song that Foo Fighters is known for.
— The juxtaposition of crunchy rhythmic strumming alongside the melodic ascending riff is really nice.
— Great energy for an opening performance.
STARS: ****
WEEKEND UPDATE
Omarosa Manigault-Newman (LEJ) says her White House ouster was voluntary
Guy Who Just Bought A Boat gives voluble Christmas-themed dating tips
— Decent run on the Jones/Moore election. 2017 was a million years ago.
— A bunch of Democrats called on Trump to resign? I totally forgot about that. So, their first plan of action to defeat Trump was “ask him nicely”?
— I liked the “Bye Felicia” highlight package after Omarosa’s firing.
— This, of course, yields another appearance from Leslie’s Omarosa, which is a nothing burger.
— Alex’s “Guy Who Just Bought a Boat” returns. I know people don’t love this character and it’s never been a big laugh-getter, but I enjoy the technical precision. Solid lines (like “Go for that second smallest bottle of Bails”) fail to hit with the audience, but I admire the care that goes into the writing.
— “It came upon a midnight clear, but she moist-certainly did not.”
— Man, the puns are entering Kazurinsky levels. For better or worse.
STARS: ***
NATIVITY PLAY
high school nativity play’s camel substitute is a rutting llama
— Aidy and Heidi are tasked with setting up the entire premise of the sketch. It’s almost a little like Bad Theatre with Leonard Pinth-Garnell.
— The game of this sketch with the actors being terrified of the llama would be working a whole lot better if the llama wasn’t totally subdued. Kevin, Kyle and Mikey are reacting a lot to a whole lot of nothing.
— Leslie complaining about the “narrator girl” was a funny line, but it got nothing from the audience.
— Now the llama’s got a boner that needs to be hidden by a sheet. This, ladies and gentlemen, is what they call “raising the stakes.” I guess.
— The stunned responses to the genital reveal were supremely lame.
— Pretty ho-hum stuff all around.
STARS: **
GENE & CRYSTAL
at a holiday party, (host)’s wife (LEJ) makes him ravish a big teddy bear
— Interesting concept here, I guess. The concept of a demanding wife henpecking her husband to death feels like it could have legs. Nothing’s terribly funny yet though. The audience agrees.
— Leslie forcing Kevin to make out with the teddy bear – insisting that the bear is a “he” nonetheless – is an unsettling, but slightly funny concept.
— Fantastic reveal that the people at the Christmas party are Kevin’s employees.
— Kind of a strange scene all-in-all. I think, conceptually there was something there. Like, I wonder what slightly more lived-in performances could have done with this (think Kids In The Hall). Instead, the writers try to shoehorn this odd, unsettling scene into SNL’s standard “reactions at a dinner party” sketch format.
— I think Kevin did his level best to bring a strong performance here and I really feel like with some extra rehearsal, Leslie could have brought a similar quality. Alas…little to really love here (possibly a lot to hate), but I admire what this could have been.
STARS: **
ACTIVE JACK
young (host) & old (KET) Active Jack do eponymous exercise show’s opening
— Holy hell, that’s a massively long setup to a pretty run-of-the-mill old person joke.
— I mean, Kenan is fun as ever, but this sketch reeks of 2003-2010 Kenan, instead of more modern Kenan. This makes some sense because this sketch was originally written for Bruno Mars during season 38.
— OK, credit where it’s due: SNL went two for two on fart jokes tonight. That feels like a record.
— A pleasing enough time-filler, but man, there was a lot of runway before the joke kicked in. Usually SNL blows its wad too early in delivering its main joke. The protracted setup simply wasn’t worth it.
STARS: **½
MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
Alec Baldwin [real] introduces musical guest
Dave Grohl [real] performs “Everlong”
Musical guest performs “Christmas Baby Please Come Home” & “Linus & Lucy”
— Blue: Alec Baldwin introduces the band, while Kevin is presumably heading down to the Rockefeller ice rink for the goodnights.
— Nice Christmas sweater Dave’s got on.
— Although Dave is mostly staying on pitch, the “doo doo doo” part sounds flat.
— Impressive transition from a muted solo rendition of “Everlong” into a full-band rendition of “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home),” complete with fake snow and flashing red-and-green lights.
— I love how each backing vocalist gets to sing a different verse.
— Another transition into a hard rock, guitar-heavy “Linus and Lucy.”
— Taylor Hawkins is killing it on the drums.
— Another fantastic performance that really brought the Christmas spirit.
STARS: *****
GOODNIGHTS
host & cast end the show from Rockefeller Center skating rink
— Gotta love a Rockefeller Center skate to end the Christmas episode. Interesting that Leslie, Cecily, Melissa and Michael have decided to opt out of the skate. Also, has there ever been a cast member that wasn’t completely awful at skating? Maybe Aykroyd? I don’t think Norm ever did one of these goodbyes, but I know he was a hockey player (once played against Gretzky as a kid).
IMMEDIATE POST-SHOW THOUGHTS
— Kind of a forgettable episode. A couple promising, but overly flawed pieces (Captain Shadow, Gene & Crystal) and a couple stronger pieces that no one really remembers anyway. I guess when your best sketch involves pants shitting, you’re basically just running on fumes. Hart, for his part, was energetic.
MY PERSONAL CHOICE OF “BEST OF” MOMENTS FOR THIS EPISODE, REPRESENTED WITH SCREENCAPS
RATED SEGMENTS RANKED FROM BEST TO WORST
Bathroom Excuses
Inside The NBA
Pandora Charms
Monologue
Weekend Update
Active Jack
Captain Shadow
Gene & Crystal
Nativity Play
A Special Christmas Message From The White House
TOMORROW
The one and only John will go deep on Sam Rockwell/Halsey. I mean, comedically speaking, of course.
The “One SNL A Day” Project 2.0 
How this Episode stacks up against the preceding one (James Franco): A big step down
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This might be the first time in this project that Blue has given a musical performance a five-star rating. I can’t really think of anything else to say about this episode.
As for tomorrow’s episode, it’s time to see John go deep into the one moment that may or may not have killed Sam Rockwell’s career (I think you know what I’m talking about).
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“ the one moment that may or may not have killed Sam Rockwell’s career”
Seeing as he both won and got nominated for an Oscar after it, I’m gonna go with: nope!
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Honestly the only piece I remembered before this episode and by far the best sketch is the Cut For Time New Years Eve one so I hope you can jot down your brief thoughts on it down below. I think pretty much every uploaded Cut For Time sketch from here on is worth talking about.
As for the episode itself, you rated it better than I would think. Know some people absolutely hate the Gene and Crystal, Nativity Play and Bathroom Call sketches but you were a bit more fair so I am glad.
Excited for Sam Rockwell tomorrow, he was a natural.
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That was definitely a great piece that the episode would’ve benefitted from. (When will Dave Grohl host the show already?) Some of us cover the cut-for-time sketches in our reviews, and some of us don’t; I think it just depends on our passion for them, usually. I’d give this one between a 4 and a 4.5.
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Yeah, this episode was assigned to me pretty late and I had no really pre-conceived notions of it. I got a sense that there were maybe some thoughts on the monologue, so I tried to watch that with an eye for something going awry, but nothing really jumped out to me. I think this was a classic forgettable episode, with some promising ideas falling short of their potential (Gene & Crystal) and a couple of completely under thought pieces dressed up to appear better than they are (Captain Shadow). I tend to be forgiving of interesting ideas, even if they are poorly executed. But even my four star pieces here would be at the absolute bottom of that threshold. Let’s face it, I was being nice.
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Interesting to see the slump in quality , relatively speaking, when compared the first couple of episodes of the season. Yet, For tomorrow, Sam Rockwell was for me a pretty good host, with fun energy and commitment to the material, no matter how questionable some of the skits. Specifically, the “wretched” Peter Pan from what I remember, would be interesting to hear you John’s thoughts on the episode overall.
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Great, surprising review for this episode. I’ve always considered this one of the worst episodes of this current era of the show, and while my opinion remains unswayed, I really enjoy the opportunity to read a different perspective on things.
I actually don’t hate Kevin’s first two hosting gigs, even if they’re not the strongest episodes; he brings a lot of energy and has gotten to participate in some real classics (“Z Shirts” and “Bushwick”). He has no such luck here, though, slaving over a lethargic, strangely hostile episode during a low point in his public image that hurts whatever public, family-friendly messaging he might’ve been aiming for in his monologue. (He was just caught cheating on his wife around the time, so it’s REAL hard to buy him as a family man, if not hard at all to read his casual misogyny as earnest.) As far as the sketches themselves, I don’t hate the bathroom sketch as much as I probably should, and I think “Active Jack” is okay; the only really respectable piece is “Pandora,” which is also the only part of this episode with a chance of wedging its way into a holiday special. Everything else lacks merit, originality, or taste.
Foo Fighters are a definite highlight for me here, and I’m glad Blue did them justice! Looking forward to (re-)reading more of your work going forward!
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On the subject of Foo Fighters, here’s an interesting video:
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Until I read this full review, I had forgotten that I gave that last Foo Fighters performance a full five. It’s a hard line to walk between feeling like I’m being too generous vs. too lenient when it comes to rating these performances, but that Christmas medley was such pure delight, I can’t think of any better criteria. Also LOVED “The Sky is a Neighborhood” and was very surprised to see the lukewarm reception it got from some fans (I particularly remember a couple of my friends who are into the band thought it was meh, but even reading old comments from when the episode aired, it didn’t seem to have gone over well). Then again I was never a Foo Fighters fan and perhaps my lack of exposure to their work has left me easily impressed.
Considering how little I cared for Kevin Hart’s first hosting gig (which is the only episode I’ve seen him host), and how bad the one sketch that I’ve seen from this episode was (the Christmas party one… what a way to be introduced to this episode), I don’t feel like I’m missing anything by skipping the whole episode. Loved your review though, Carson, you took a balanced tone and addressed everything very well. As a side note, if good nights received ratings, this one would deserve the full five- love the ice-skating. Here’s a video on how the cast pulled off getting to the Rockefeller rink in a short amount of time:
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Another great review from @Carson, who gave a fresh eye to a lot of material that could have been easy to zap through.
I love the bit in the charm pre-tape where Cecily says she got her husband a threesome as a gift. One of my favorite understated Cecily moments.
Here is the cut for time piece (more of the Beck-and-Kyle pieces being slowly phased out):
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Great review Carson. Never understood why this episode has such a negative reputation when it’s merely forgettable. Many talk about how this set Michael Che and Colin Jost’s head writer tenures off on a bad foot, but the difference is unnoticeable. The Gal Godot / Sam Smith and Kumail Nanjiani / Pink episodes earlier in the season were as forgettable.
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Was curious to see how the Christmas shows rank. Here you go:
8.0 – Martin Short (S38)
7.8 – Alec Baldwin (S24)
7.8 – Paul Simon (S13)
7.8 – Candice Bergen (S2)
7.7 – William Shatner (S12)
7.6 – Jack Black (S31)
7.4 – Jimmy Fallon (S37)
7.4 – Andie MacDowell (S15)
7.3 – Al Gore (S28)
7.3 – Helen Hunt (S23)
7.2 – Tina Fey and Amy Poehler (S41)
7.2 – Ellen DeGeneres (S27)
6.8 – Melanie Griffith (S14)
6.7 – Eddie Murphy (S10)
6.6 – Dennis Quaid (S16)
6.6 – Madeline Kahn (S21)
6.6 – Miskel Spillman (S3)
6.5 – Sally Field (S19)
6.5 – Glenn Close (S18)
6.4 – Rosie O’Donnell (S22)
6.3 – Hugh Laurie (S34)
6.3 – Bill Murray (S7)
6.3 – Candice Bergen (S1)
6.2 – Elliott Gould (S4)
6.1 – Danny DeVito (S25)
6.1 – Eddie Murphy (S8)
6.1 – Lucy Liu (S26)
6.1 – Ted Knight (S5)
6.1 – Flip Wilson (S9)
6.0 – Amy Adams (S40)
6.0 – Justin Timberlake (S32)
5.8 – Steve Martin (S17)
5.7 – David Carradine (S6)
5.7 – Jimmy Fallon (S39)
5.6 – Kevin Hart (S43)
5.6 – James Franco (S35)
5.5 – Elijah Wood (S29)
5.5 – Robert DeNiro (S30)
5.4 – Jeff Bridges (S36)
5.3 – Casey Affleck (S42)
4.7 – Teri Garr (S11)
4.1 – George Foreman (S20)
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The best of all time is Candice Bergen. Sometimes the math is wrong.
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Assuming you mean S2? Though S1 has its fair share of classics.
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I got a kick out of the cold open review. It can difficult to outline something that had become so monotonous, but you highlighted a lot of good reasons why the show’s approach quickly started to feel tired.
I’m curious, but not necessarily hopeful, to see what direction the segment goes to, in the coming season.
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No outright classic sketches, though the two strongest were in the first half. Foo Fighters seldom disappoints. The 2017 calendar, much like the year itself, mostly ends on a ho-hum note.
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R.I.P. Taylor Hawkins
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